In Memory of Jordan

Today marks two months since our baby boy passed away. In many ways, it feels like it has been much longer than that.  We can't express the impact Jordan's life had on each of us. The most important aspects in life are more basic than all of our complex plans - so simple, yet so hard to stay focused on with our busy lives.  Although we already had a great appreciation for Caleb, our firstborn, our appreciation for him has grown tremendously.  He provides us strength and a thankfulness for each day.

God has continued to provide for us through the generosity of others and by meeting other needs in tremendous ways.  Our local hospital even waived a payment that Daddy had been paying for his own health expenses.  Families provided meals several nights a week during our first month back home.  What a blessing it was to look forward to home cooked meals that we didn't have to prepare! People continue to amaze us with their love and support.

Jordan is brought up in conversation daily.  How much we miss him... How much it hurts that he's not here with us... How thankful we are for the 34 days we had the honor to spend with him.  Caleb talks about baby Jordan frequently. "Baby Jordan is in heaven with Jesus?" "Can we go see him? That would be amazing!" "Can we go to the hospital and play with the balls and see baby Jordan?" "Are you sad because you miss baby Jordan? Well, I'm sad too..."

It turned out to be quite the chore, but Brandi was able to donate all of her milk through CHOP.  It is nice to know that someone will be able to use it.  We know of at least one mom that we got to know at CHOP who got to bring her baby home this month.  We are so excited to hear a survival story about a baby overcoming severe CDH.

We love Jordan greatly and will always treasure the moments we had with him.  We will never forget him.  Others have told us that the pain lessens with time.  For now, we are just thankful that we have each other and are thankful for today.

Daddy made a video for Jordan's memorial service that we would like to share.  Although only a few family members could join us in Philadelphia on this journey, Jordan's life inspired so many people. Our hope is to share the precious few moments that we will cherish forever.

The Day Has Come - Jordan's Memorial

A wave of mixed emotions has engulfed us this morning. The day is here: Jordan's memorial and burial. It will bring closure for us to walk through this day. We are looking forward to the memorial tonight at 6pm out at Celebration. Northwestern Signs and Designs donated beautiful prints of photos of baby Jordan. The video that Daddy put together for Jordan turned out nice. Several friends, especially Jayna, helped create a beautiful display of items that have special meaning to us. It is amazing how everything we needed for the memorial has been provided one way or another. God's provision has been a theme to us throughout this journey. It has continued throughout planning Jordan's memorial.

We look forward to meeting all who can attend.

Celebrating Jordan's Life

Although not physically present, so many people knew about Jordan's battle for life. The memorial will hopefully be a beautiful memory of his life. We will have the opportunity to share Jordan's Legacy, a post intended for his site but we saved it for the memorial. There will also be a short video and Celebration Community Church was generous enough to accommodate us. Our hope is that everyone leaves having the opportunity to have been as close to him as possible. Jordan is greatly missed and was such a beautiful baby boy. We are proud that he is our son.

Planning for the Memorial

Plans are falling into place as we look forward to the memorial this Thursday at 6pm. Baby Jordan touched a lot of people and we want to make the memorial special. As hard as it's been, we find that it helps us emotionally to work through some of the material. It reminds us of Jordan and our journey together.

It is simply amazing that we were connected with the pastor that we had blogged about while in Philadelphia. He has been wonderful at helping us gather our thoughts and emotions during this difficult time to plan the memorial. It is a small world after all. So many people are either working hard to prepare or are offering assistance. It has been truly a blessing to see how many people are willing to help.

Memorial Services for Baby Jordan

Services will be held at 6:00 p.m. Thursday, December 1, 2011 at Celebration Community Church in Hays.

5790 230th Avenue
Hays‎ KS‎ 67601
United States

Hays Memorial Chapel Funeral Home is handling the arrangements. All who would like to attend are invited to mourn with us, as well as celebrate the life of baby Jordan.

Home At Last

Our arrival home wasn't dramatic. We rolled in under the guise of night. By three in the morning, traffic was sparse. It was strange to walk into our house after all this time. Our first comment to each other was that it looked better than we remember. Caleb barely slept at all on the way home because of his anticipation. His reaction upon seeing our home for the first time in months was priceless. He slowly took it all back in as he began remembering his own toys and bed. Every room was inspected and named before he could calm down to go to sleep.  "This is Caleb's room.  This is Mommy and Daddy's room.  Here's my toy box with all my toys."

Although hard to comprehend that Jordan cannot be with us, we are very glad to be home. Many thanks to everyone who helped purchase food and stock our refrigerator and pantry for our arrival. That was very thoughtful and helped more than you know.

Bad Dreams, Blessed Memories

As if this journey wasn't hard enough to endure by itself, dreams sneak up and make it all the more difficult. When Jordan was still in the hospital, Michael had a dream that Jordan was released, even though he still required the occasional hand-bagging. We all went out to enjoy a celebratory meal. Then, like a monster sneaking up in the night to say "gotcha", Jordan started gasping, begging for air. Michael desperatley tried to hand-bag Jordan back to life, but couldn't. It was too late.

Michael awoke, startled and heart racing. Seems like such a silly dream but, given the circumstances, it took a good ten minutes to calm down again. Dreams still plague Daddy - sending him back to the hospital to experience familiar sights and sounds from the last month. It happens when we're awake too. The sound of a restaurant's heater kicks on and sounds like the steady rhythm of the oscillator. Aromas remind us of the smell of Jordan's baby skin.

Other parents of babies with severe CDH at CHOP had similar experiences. It is such an overwhelming and tragic experience. Hard not to walk away with some sort of trauma. What do we hold on to that will counteract these bad dreams? Blessed memories... The deep peace Brandi felt during labor and pregnancy. Jordan opening his eyes and looking at us for the first time. His big, warm infant hand clenching our finger - showing us how strong and determined he was. The unexpected peace he felt when we embraced him in our arms for the first and last time.

Life has a rude way of nudging people forward. Reality comes crashing in, thrusting you back into every day events. It never even crossed our minds that we would have to plan a memorial for Jordan. His body is not expected to arrive in Hays until tomorrow; possibly the same time as us. The memorial will be in Hays; however, a date and time have not been set. It will be difficult to enter our house, to see the baby room without our baby. We are thankful for everyone's support and wish to see everyone who would like to visit. But, it will take time to adjust. We have a lot to do and our focus will immediately go to planning the memorial. There will be much more time and closure after the memorial.