It's amazing how much you miss the tiny moments in life when facing circumstances that make those moments all but impossible to come by. We haven't had the opportunity to rock our baby, or burp him, feed him or even hold him in our arms. All we can do is watch, wait and pray from his bedside. Although we can't honestly say that we've ever looked forward to changing a dirty diaper, there's something to be said about how meaningful that time can be.
In the midst of everything going on today - medications, stripping the chest tube, V.A.C dressing changes, repositioning, sedation, and ventilator setting modifications to name a few - Jordan woke up just long enough to give us a precious moment today. He opened his eyes and looked right at Daddy. Jordan has done this before, but today was different. Jordan looked as if he knew who Daddy was. He appeared to have a great sense of peace - he knew his Daddy was there. We almost lost it right there at his bedside. We have grown tired and weary of seeing our son on ECMO. Somehow, Jordan looked both calm and longing in the same expression. We took the opportunity to assure him of how much he is loved and how proud of him we are for fighting everyday.
As busy as it was today, not very much was actually accomplished. His lungs are open, but not yet to the levels required to remove him from ECMO. That's where Jordan is at in his journey - he needs to come off ECMO.